The Genesis/Mega Drive title screen music (called Story Line in the music test) is made up of sound effects from the game and sounds fucking terrible. The Amiga version uses a track called Dance Tune instead which has some nice piano and sounds much better. So score one for the Amiga version.
M.C. Kids/McDonaldland heroes Mick and Mack sit enjoying their fast food meal and reading a comic.
Actually they're not even eating anything. There's no food in this picture at all in fact. Weird.
Unlike M.C. Kids/McDonaldland, this is single player only, and the character select is hidden away in the options menu on the title screen. It's like they didn't even want anyone to play as poor Mack.
Still, I'm just happy the enemies actually stay dead in this, unlike M.C. Kids/McDonaldland.
The one thing it's got going for it over the Mega Drive/Genesis version as far as I can tell, is that it's got better music. But instruments occasionally drop out when a sound effect is playing, so even the that isn't so great in game.
On the Amiga version I tried jumping up here, overshot the platform, and fell into the instant death slime below. Weirdly it's actually impossible to do that on the Sega version, he won't walk any further left here. Score a million more points for Sega.
You know, I was starting to doubt what kind of difference a couple of kids with water spray guns could really make to a forest so badly polluted it's actually literally dripping with slime. But hey if I'm blowing shit up then I must be making progress. We'll fix that environment yet!
Apparently removing as many Golden Arches from the forest as I can is the best way to fight pollution. I'm not sure McDonald's really thought this message out.
It's not unusual to climb up a bunch of invisible platforms right up to the very top of the map, to find only two of the things sitting up there to collect. And they want me to find 75 of them on every single level. Fuck that.
I need to get at least 30 arches before he'll allow me to move on to the next level, and 75 to get a bonus stage. Because apparently Global Gladiators are more about hoarding shiny things than actually clearing up pollution. Why do I get the feeling that Ronald McDonald has tricked me into collecting stuff for him again?
The game has no world map, or level select, so it's just a linear run to the end. Which is a shame, because I liked M.C. Kids' map screen. It's nice to be able to take a game one piece at a time, instead of it being a marathon run.
I have to wonder sometimes why the penalty for hitting a hazard is so much harsher than for hitting an enemy. Can't I just lose a bit of health and bounce back out again or something?
This time it was because I got surprised by that green monster. It didn't jump out at me or anything, I just didn't see it. It's the same colour as the platforms, so my brain filtered it as being part of the scenery. That's another problem the 16-bit versions don't have.
And of course the final arches pick up doesn't have an invisible platform beneath it, so I fall straight down and lose any chance of getting back across to the 1up. That's a cruel trick.
It's a shame though, because it was finally playing the level one music from the 16-bit versions that I really like.
But I'm through with fighting slime monsters in Slimeworld now. I wonder what enemies await me in the Mystical Forest.
Pretty weird kind of environmentalism this, where I'm saving the forest by killing plants and wildlife.
Shame the game is so basic and repetitive. Every level is a just a bunch of platforms over bottomless pits, and I have to search every part of them for arches before the timer runs out. And that's it as far as I can tell.
The game's designer, Dave Perry, actually made a Captain Planet game too (though not the one I played). He also made Cool Spot, Aladdin and Earthworm Jim too, and Global Gladiators definitely feels like part of that group. Not the best part of it though to be honest.
One final life remaining. I have a theory that I get extra continues every 50,000 points, so I just need to hold on a little longer.
Items fall down the screen, being either bottle, can, or paper, (or anvil). I have to dodge the anvils, grab the recyclables, and file them one at time into the appropriate bin before they've stopped bouncing. It ain't a bad little bonus game, but it wasn't worth hunting down 75 arches for. Fortunately you can just skip the main game and play this from the options screen.
Shameless Advertising Rating: Not that bad. The game starts inside a McDonald's restaurant and is filled with the Golden Arches logo from start to finish... but it also shows an employee sliding up next to customers and teleporting them to slime hell, so it doesn't really portray them in an overly positive light. Plus it's not like I was collecting Happy Meals for health, and the game seems just as eager to promote recycling as it is to promote McDonald's.
Clown Rating: Reasonable. One showed up at the start of the game, and banished my heroes to a world of pollution and murderous beavers. But after that he only showed his face at the stage exit, to kick me back in until I'd collected enough shiny trinkets to appease him.
I can't say the game doesn't look and sound great, but it's all style and no substance. It's apparently just a basic 'collect the arches' game the whole way through with nothing else interesting going on in it. But if I was going to play it again, I'd pick the Genesis/Mega Drive version without hesitation.
Part 1: Donald Land (NES)
Part 2: M.C. Kids (NES)
Part 3: McDonaldland (Game Boy)
Part 4: Global Gladiators (Genesis/Mega Drive)Part 5: McDonald's Treasure Land Adventure (Genesis/Mega Drive)
Part 6: Ronald in The Magical World (Game Gear)