The SAIG postbag has been inundated with folks saying that I had Gloom on the wrong settings, played the wrong Gloom or that I didn't play it long enough. You only ever get the opportunity to steal top billing from Deus Ex once, so it's time for an amazing Gloom special!
And we're not playing this one first.
We're playing this one first. Gloom Deluxe. As far as I can tell, this is the sequel to Gloom.
You're seeing pulse-churning action spewed into your eyes at a skull-melting 640x480! Can you handle it?
I can't begin to imagine the type of Amiga you'd need to play this game properly at the time, or how much it would have cost.
Oh would you look at that, I turned it off. Oh dear.
On the main menu, when I started a new game, it gave me the alternative option 'Continue From The Gothic Tomb'. Is this an extra 'episode' added onto the end of Gloom Deluxe?
Believe it or not, there's still no savegames or passwords anywhere in Gloom Deluxe, so maybe they put a 'skip half the game' option in as a sort of compromise. (Hey, developers, if you can't be bothered with saves or passwords, just ask us what level we want to play. You can trust us! Honest!)
Now that's how you name a level!
The sprint up to me in two frames of animation, legs flickering about the place like the guys from Death Mask.
I'll give you one guess as to what these guys did when I fired my antimatter fireballs at them. I'll give you a clue, it rhymes with 'mexplode'.
Gloom Deluxe is the deluxe version of Gloom, like Poop Deluxe is the deluxe version of, well...
Hey! Let's play a completely different game!
1997 was a good year for first person shooters. It was the year that gave us GoldenEye: 007 and Quake II. And it was the year that gave us...
Gloom 3: "Ultimate Gloom" Zombie Edition
My favourite part is when the narrator describes your character's encounter with the mysterious puppet-masters of the Gloom-verse, the 'seven old men dressed in grey'. He puts on voices. (YouTube link) I fell right out of my chair when he delivered the ultimatum "DO YOU ACCEPT?" in what sounds like a gargly Muppet-like voice.
As the narrator reads out the text, the zombie picture smartly fades out and the text scrolls up the screen in an easy to read fashion, giving a very professional gloss to the silly narration.
No music, slow movement and very loud footsteps. Is this Gloom more of a horror game?
These zombies have no frames of animation. They just slide right on up to you. Unlike Gloom's hordes of soldier guys, the zombies don't shoot you, so you're able to back away from them and keep firing without taking any damage (provided you don't back away into a zombie).
Ugh, still no autofire. These zombies take at least half a dozen shots each to take down (explode). I'm going to break the pad at this rate.
I can't help you if you're going to shoot me, ghost! Wait, 'ghost'? A... zombie ghost?
Zombie ghosts can walk through walls and can shoot fireballs and are nearly invisible, which makes them awful fiends. They die in one hit, but you're not very sturdy yourself. Lose a life and your 'gun' is back to useless-power.
I'm so startled by the huge fucking face that I totally lose my bearings as it floats towards me and eats me alive in seconds.
Maybe somebody with infinite time on their hands and an unhealthy urge to play very difficult, very obscure games would actually enjoy Gloom 3: Zombie Edition for real.
One last thing before I can finally say goodbye to the Gloom series once and for all.
Gloom: Special Edition
I think the universe observed the Gloom series as a terrible, terrible mistake and employed desperate measures in an attempt to remove it from existence forever. Unfortunately, it only partially worked, and we're left with several shattered pieces of terrible half-game. Don't touch it. The cleaners will be here momentarily.